Much of the recent research on homogeneous alkane oxidation has focused on the use of transition metal catalysts. Here, we report that the electrophilic main-group cations thallium(III) and lead(IV) stoichiometrically oxidize methane, ethane, and propane, separately or as a one-pot mixture, to corresponding alcohol esters in trifluoroacetic acid solvent. Esters of methanol, ethanol, ethylene glycol, isopropanol, and propylene glycol are obtained with greater than 95% selectivity in concentrations up to 1.48 molar within 3 hours at 180 degrees C. Experiment and theory support a mechanism involving electrophilic carbon-hydrogen bond activation to generate metal alkyl intermediates. We posit that the comparatively high reactivity of these d(10) main-group cations relative to transition metals stems from facile alkane coordination at vacant sites, enabled by the overall lability of the ligand sphere and the absence of ligand field stabilization energies in systems with filled d-orbitals.